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So er, hi. I'm back - kinda.
Not permanently. I am popping in because I really need to reassure people I am not disapearing forever.
Exuses: I have been away for a while mostly because I just withdrew into myself. I had a lot of deadlines on the horoizon, a lot of work that wasn't able to launch until mid decemeber, before which I had the holidays to tunnel through, which was also difficult for me and my anxiety, spending time with my family is enjoyable but also a daunting task at times, epecially when food is involved.
I planned to make a journal new years day and be a lot more chipper, but uni started again and that has been no picnic. Illness for me and my flatmate/partner, my anxiety has been high and I have new medication which is making my habits change.
I am very sorry for just ducking out and not talking, sincerely, I should not have done that and at least left people with a little note of hiatus rather than a scary journal about trauma (bad connotations lol I am alive I promise.) I am also sorry for not living up to responsibilities I had given myself on various groups, and overestimating my abilities in the first place.
I wouldn't be back unless I had a solution to deal with the fact I am not that I am not a social butterfly.
No more comment for comment, because I just cannot manage it. ;-;
I am gonna stop replying to comments on my deviations and thank you note posting, which sucks I know, I will always thank people (perhaps with copy/paste things and plz acounts) but I shan't start a conversation unless it is a indepth critique. I won't stop talking to people in general, that would be silly, I will mostly initiate things on deviations and journals etc but I will stop tasking myself to give 10-50 comments a week like I was doing before. However, if you want to chill with me extensively, dA is not the best place. Join me on tumblr or maybe skype, I am much better at comunicating there.
I don't mean to sound like I am a big horrible monster who hates talking and communication is this big labourious thing for me, but it does make me very, very tired due to poor health and medication to treat that. Energy is a precious resource for me and I would rather explain my geeral abilities than let comments sit in my inbox for ten, twenty days before they are answered sufficiently.
I am not ready to jump back into things again properly, I have a few deadlines to finish before I'll be back and properly talking but for now have a journal and an apology. See you soon.
Not permanently. I am popping in because I really need to reassure people I am not disapearing forever.
Exuses: I have been away for a while mostly because I just withdrew into myself. I had a lot of deadlines on the horoizon, a lot of work that wasn't able to launch until mid decemeber, before which I had the holidays to tunnel through, which was also difficult for me and my anxiety, spending time with my family is enjoyable but also a daunting task at times, epecially when food is involved.
I planned to make a journal new years day and be a lot more chipper, but uni started again and that has been no picnic. Illness for me and my flatmate/partner, my anxiety has been high and I have new medication which is making my habits change.
I am very sorry for just ducking out and not talking, sincerely, I should not have done that and at least left people with a little note of hiatus rather than a scary journal about trauma (bad connotations lol I am alive I promise.) I am also sorry for not living up to responsibilities I had given myself on various groups, and overestimating my abilities in the first place.
I wouldn't be back unless I had a solution to deal with the fact I am not that I am not a social butterfly.
No more comment for comment, because I just cannot manage it. ;-;
I am gonna stop replying to comments on my deviations and thank you note posting, which sucks I know, I will always thank people (perhaps with copy/paste things and plz acounts) but I shan't start a conversation unless it is a indepth critique. I won't stop talking to people in general, that would be silly, I will mostly initiate things on deviations and journals etc but I will stop tasking myself to give 10-50 comments a week like I was doing before. However, if you want to chill with me extensively, dA is not the best place. Join me on tumblr or maybe skype, I am much better at comunicating there.
I don't mean to sound like I am a big horrible monster who hates talking and communication is this big labourious thing for me, but it does make me very, very tired due to poor health and medication to treat that. Energy is a precious resource for me and I would rather explain my geeral abilities than let comments sit in my inbox for ten, twenty days before they are answered sufficiently.
I am not ready to jump back into things again properly, I have a few deadlines to finish before I'll be back and properly talking but for now have a journal and an apology. See you soon.
Trauma.
So in the space of two years all four of my grandparents died, one of which died in my own house in the room next to me, suffering horribly for a year whilst also bearing a deep resemblance to my own face. I also was in a terrible friendship group full of stupid unhealthy habits and drama for many years, whilst also being in an emotionally abusive relationship. I went to live with some people who I regarded as friends who were openly threatening, violent, volatile and loud - who made it clear they could be pushed to violence. And I recently received a letter from an ex long-term friend who proclaimed that they’d hated me for years and I
Productivity.
Its funny what can make you feel real achievement...
I wrote two english style sonnets in the space of seven hours (that will be submitted some time later this year - sorry guys, I don't want to accidentally get caught for plagiarising... myself...? Uni is strange.) And picked up the new, vague skill of pixeling.
This makes me feel over the moon with productivity, and yet on days when I mop, sweep, do all the dishes, brighten and tidy the living room, dust the sills and ledges, shake out the rugs, take the bins out - I feel a nagging sensation of needing to do more.
And yet, I haven't done much of a scrap of the reading for my indian/chin
Kindle Update -
:happybounce: Exciting news! :happybounce:
Whilst I am still exhausted out of my shoddy, achey body, I am also very excited. I am on the verge of getting the green-light for having my creative writing project for this year be a collection of poetry written up and published on kindle!
Its going to be centred on my experience growing up on the beautiful, wildlife-rich somerset levels focusing on the wildflowers, weeds and trees I explored and was taught about. The greenery around me often acted as a quiet, steady backdrop to the emotions I was having and the struggles I went through physically, mentally and spiritually.
I don't know how man
Exhausted.
So hey I am afraid I am kinda swamped right now - so I will try and say thanks for all the comments, faves and watches etc I got in the last few days but I am going to be a bit inactive, I will be looking after my group however.
Mini-hiatus I guess?
Edit// if I send you a reply containing just one emoticon, it will usually mean "I appreciate this comment but I also have no idea of what to say other sending you good vibes"
:happybounce: = thanks man my but my calves are screaming
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I'll be praying for your health.